


In the Sheets

by ConceptaDecency



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Fluff, M/M, Salty-Prim Garak, Sass, Sexy Arguing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-05 14:59:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17921033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConceptaDecency/pseuds/ConceptaDecency
Summary: Garak thinks Julian's a slob. Julian thinks Garak's cute when he's fussy.





	1. Chapter 1

“Julian.”

“Mmm?”

“Julian, stop.”

“What? Did I bite too hard?”

“When did you last change your sheets?”

“Sheets? I don’t know. A week or two ago?”

“It’s been at least three and a half weeks. Possibly longer, though as I wasn’t privy to your housekeeping habits prior to then, I really can’t speak to that.”

“I did put on fresh sheets that day!”

“Well. You are indeed a gentleman. But you haven’t changed them since.”

“Yes, I’m a complete pig, you're right. I'll change them later, I promise.”

“A pig? I'm not... _ohh_ Julian, really. Stop that. We are not doing this on these foul sheets.”

“Elim! You don't really want me to stop _this_ , do you?"

"..."

"..."

"Ahhhh...yes, I do."

"Fine. Do you want to do it on the sofa, then?”

“No, I do not want to do it on the sofa. I want to do it on a bed with sheets that are not encrusted with your filth.”

“First of all, ‘encrusted’? That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think? Second, _my_ filth? If there’s any filth on those sheets you are responsible for at least half of it.”

“And you are responsible for keeping your quarters clean. Or if clean is too high a bar for you, at least not a complete pigsty."

"Hmmmmm. So you do know about pigs." 

“I did a bit of research when you gave me Orwell to read, yes. They seem altogether unpleasant animals. I would say that I don't know why humans kept them around for centuries, but I look around your quarters and I believe I have my answer.”

“You know, you’re cute when you’re fussy.”

"I am not fussy. Anyone on the station would agree with me."

"Really? Shall I comm Miles and ask him what he thinks? Or Jadzia?"

"Comm anyone you like. Perhaps _they_ can convince you to change your sheets."

"Hmmmph. I noticed you didn't deny that you're cute."

"Cuteness is subjective, Julian. How am I to know what you think of me?”

“I was _showing_ you what I think of you before you made me stop. Come to bed, Elim. We can change them after. If we do it now they'll just get dirty again."

"Julian, really.”

"Wouldn't it be nicer to sleep in completely clean sheets?”

“You’re presuming I’m staying the night.” 

“You have every time so far. I can only conclude that you like it.” 

“It’s merely convenient. My quarters are quite far from here, and Starfleet showers are better than civilian. And I see now that I shouldn’t. I’m just reinforcing your bad habits.”

“ _Are_ you?”

“Yes. By staying in your bed night after night despite its increasingly unhygienic condition, I’m signalling to you that such a state of affairs is perfectly acceptable.” 

“Oh _really_? Tell me more, Mr Garak. I’m very curious about your theories on my bad habits.”

“You aren’t a lost cause yet, my dear. You just need a steady hand to guide you.”

“And that’s you?”

“Who better? I have the discipline and life experience you lack.”

“Oh, lucky me.” 

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Now. That’s the last kiss you’re getting until these sheets are changed.” 

“Oh, _is_ it? The way you were kissing I don’t think you really want the sheets changed that badly.”

“I certainly do.”

“I know you.”

“Then you’re aware how important cleanliness is to me.” 

“I’m aware you can’t wait to have my thick cock inside you.”

“Language, Julian.” 

“You’re probably dripping for me. God, you are. You’re so fucking wet, Elim.”

“Get your impertinent Federation hand away from there.” 

“Take your trousers off and I’ll put my impertinent Federation tongue there.” 

“Is this crudity supposed to be charming me into compromising my standards?”

“Yes. Your standards are inconvenient and illogical. Does the catch go this way, or...?”

“No. Be careful, Julian. That catch is worth three hours of holosuite credit. And what do you mean, illogical?”

“This way, then? You know, I do know the value of money. You don’t have to convert prices to holosuite credit just for me.”

“Five pints of that dreadful ale, then. No, down and to the side. There's a hidden...here, I’ll do it.”

“You see, this is what I meant by illogical. Look at you. You act so prim but you want me so badly you’re gushing. You’re so fucking wet, Elim. You’re going to make a mess all over my bed. We're definitely not changing the sheets until after." 

"How do you know I'm thinking about you? You're much easier to resist than you think you are, Julian."

"Oh? Who's got you so hot and bothered, then? Morn? Quark?"

"Quark is quite magnetic. And there's something about Morn. I can't get him out of my head."

"Liar. Get in here with me. You must be cold."

"I'm doing you a disservice, encouraging further soiling of your sheets when I should be standing firm. And all for my own base desires."

"So you admit it. You can't resist me."

"Don't let it go to your head. Now, what was it you were going to do with your impertinent Federation tongue?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the kind of thing that gets into my mind and won't let go when I really have other things to be working on. Well, it's been exorcised now, and against all odds I kinda like it. I hope you do too! 
> 
> I do know that I love your kudos and comments.
> 
> Also, three and a half weeks is definitely too long between sheet changes, but I think Garak probably changes them too frequently.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian is filthy but persuasive.

“Get up, Julian.”

“Mmmm?”

“The sheets. We can’t change them if we're lying on top of them.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.” 

“Oh, that.”

“Yes, that. Come on, get off me.”

“Now? We just finished.”

“If not now, then when?”

“Elim. I'm still inside you. Can I just have a moment?” 

“Very well.” 

“Mmmmmmm. You lovely man.”

"..."

"..."

“...”

“I’m not too heavy, am I?”

“No, no."

"..."

"..."

"Mmmph. No, don't stop, Elim. That was nice."

"I had to. You were falling asleep."

“You were falling asleep too.”

“I might have been. And that would have been a problem, because clearly you aren’t going to keep your promise unless I make you.” 

“My promise?”

“Yes. ‘I’ll change them later, Elim, I promise.’”

“I do not sound like that.”

“You certainly do.”

“I do not. I listen back to my logs. I know what I sound like.” 

“You sound different when you’re overcome with lust. Don’t worry, dear, it’s very appealing.”

“Thank you, but I also know what I sound like when I’m ‘overcome with lust’. And it’s not that.” 

“Oh? And just how do you know that, Julian?”

“From listening to recordings, of course.” 

"Recordings? Of you having sex? And just who made these recordings?"

"I did. We did."

"'We'?" 

"Me and some of my past partners. Most of them, really."

“I hope you've never recorded us!”

“God, Elim, of course not! I’d never do it without asking first. Anyway, I doubt I could record you without you knowing it.”

“That’s probably true. But the question remains as to why you’d do such a thing in the first place.”

“Well, it’s kind of a thrill. You know, to perform for the camera. And to watch later. Felix and I had one...”

“'Perform for the camera'? Are you telling me you’ve taken _videos_ of yourself having sex?”

“Yes? And holos. It’s fun. We could do it sometime if...? Okay, Elim, okay, stop looking at me like that. It was foolish of me to even suggest it. I know who I’m talking to.”

“I should hope so.” 

“Very strange that a simple tailor hates having his image captured so much, even when he’s modelling his own creations.”

“I’m shy, Julian. You know that.” 

“Yes, you're quite the shrinking violet. Here, pass me the towel. This is going to get all over.” 

“What does it matter, if we’re changing the sheets? Just use the corner there.”

“Elim, it's late. You don't _really_ want to...”

“Julian. You promised.” 

“I will if you really want me to. But it’s so cozy here. And it’s so cold out there.”

“You won’t convince me to put it off again. My scales are itching at the thought of another minute in this stew of filth.” 

“It’s so warm and comfortable here.”

“Cleanliness is more important than comfort, as my mother says.”

“You have a mother?”

“Of course I have a mother. Where do you think I came from? Are you _sure_ you're a doctor?"

"What's she like?"

"She is an admirable person who would be horrified if she knew her son was currently marinating in four weeks of human bodily detritus." 

"Three and a half. And there's plenty of Cardassian bodily detritus too. Would she like me?"

"She has questionable taste, so she might. If she never saw the state of your quarters."

"What's your father like?"

"Similar to my mother. Julian, stop trying to distract me. Get up. These disgusting rags are going straight into the reclaimer."

"Elim. I’m sleepy. And so are you. And I'm sweaty and covered in your...stuff and I'm not taking a shower tonight no matter what, even if we do change the sheets. And we’re just going to make more mess when we have sex in the morning.”

"What makes you think we're going to have sex in the morning?"

"It’s happened every time we've spent the night together so far, so I imagine it’ll happen tomorrow morning, too."

“Not if I go to my quarters to sleep.”

“You’re honestly telling me you’d rather get dressed, walk all the way home through those cold corridors, and go to bed alone, when you could just fall asleep right here, right now, with me?” 

“As if that were the more appealing option. You’re dirty and you snore.” 

"I'm warm and I'm good company."

"You're driven by carnality."

"And I’m _really_ good at it, too. To your benefit."

“You think a great deal of yourself.”

“I have a healthy amount of confidence.” 

“You don’t keep your promises.”

“I’m pragmatic. And I did say ‘later’. Tomorrow is later.”

"You manipulate me with your charms."

"You admit I have charms! Which one is your favourite? Is it my smile?"

"You're argumentative."

"That's why you find me so compelling. And so are you. Come on, Elim. It’s just a few more hours.”

"If I were to stay and my scales started sloughing off I would hold you responsible.”

“As your doctor, I’d take that responsibility. And. I. Promise. To. Give. Each scale. The care. And. Attention. It deserves.” 

“What are you doing? Kissing them does not prevent scale slough.”

“That’s probably because scale slough isn’t a real condition. But it’s my professional opinion that, after thorough application of my lips, your scales will almost certainly stay where they are.” 

“Is that so, Doctor Bashir? I’d have thought you were angling for another round.” 

“Not at all. I was just trying to convince you to stay. Unless you'd _like_ another round?"

"You said you were tired."

"I said sleepy, not tired. I could be persuaded."

"I thought as much. But to answer your question, Julian, no, I'm not in the mood. Not now. Maybe in the morning." 

"So you'll stay?"

"I suppose. I just hope my mother never finds out to what sordid depths I've fallen."

"I promise she'll never hear it from me." 

"I think we've seen how much your promises are worth."

"Good night, Elim."

"Good night, Julian."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then in the morning they ate toast in bed. 
> 
> Your kudos and comments will only encourage me, so use them wisely!


End file.
